Poppa Too

Today, parents must strive to make the strongest moral impact on their children and not give this duty to incompetent adults at the institutions where kids spend most of their time. > Page 48

A child from a separated couple isn’t a machine to be damaged by one parent and repaired by the other. > Page 82

At the end of the month my apartment was empty. The place I raised my little girl, where she learned to pray, swim, ride her bike, learned to use her computer, the dwelling that filled her with joy; was no more. My stay here was over and it was time to move on. Locking this door for the last time I realized that living here without her, knowing she was gone and there was nothing I could do to bring her back home was the most tormenting, miserable and hopelessly helpless time of my life. > Page 113

After several years of programming, young children will eventually become convinced that what they’ve heard about the “other” parent is true because:

A) They’re too young to think for themselves

B) No way to verify what they’re told is the truth

C) Fearful of making the parent they live with angry

D) They do what they’re told or suffer the consequences

Note: The vengeful bitterness in the parent exerting this verbal torture is so intense that they do not see this action as being a form of emotional and mental child abuse. > Page 162

After building a wonderful relationship with his daughter, a man tells of how his child was unlawfully abducted by her mother and he is legally unable to do anything. For years he enjoyed joint custody until he returned from a job only to find that mommy packed up and moved far away. Obeying all the orders given by the Judge was to no avail. Much of his documented evidence wasn’t reviewed and seemed to be a waste of time. Orders from five court appearances meant nothing. Local authorities wouldn’t help so he conducted an investigation. After he had proof of where his child was, detectives did not assist. He was forced to accept being helpless and that he would not see his daughter for several years.

When a kidnapping occurs as a result of false accusations or the mishandling of a case, the wrongly accused person becomes the victim. They can remain incapacitated for a long time. Normal activities in their life become secondary. Relationships, friendships become difficult to form. If a person is guilty of a crime, they’ll usually try to run or hide to avoid getting caught and go to jail. An innocent person will not run and put up a fight. There are specific child custody laws set in place to break and defeat those who battle this system.

Some aren’t aware of the oppression one must endure when drawn into a vicious child custody battle where domestic decisions are made by a faulty family court. In a malicious litigation, the amount of men who must spend large sums of money, have their reputations slandered, are assumed guilty and receive harsher punishments far out number the women. When the final decision of the hearings is to remove your child, whether it’s temporary or permanent, that event will traumatize any parent. This reality is just under your skin and you can find yourself often thinking or talking about it. Your mind will be like a computer that never shuts off with thoughts of what went wrong and memories of the child you lost, continuously being repeated. Now you’re on a heartbreaking rollercoaster ride with lots of bumps that seems to go on forever. Not giving up on your child remains the top priority.

Most people have little or no empathy for the dad who loses his child. This separation leads to depression, loneliness and grief. It produces abnormally high levels of stress and anxiety. So many men will seek to find relief from drugs, alcohol, or both as their health slowly deteriorates. This man has to invest thousands of dollars on legal fees. Friends and family alike will grow tired of hearing his miserable stories. There are no battered men’s shelters, no financial assistance of any kind and no government funded agencies to assist him. He is stereotyped as being the strong one and he should be able to withstand this sort of cruelty. To think because of their gender that a person has no feelings is inhumane.

Daddies see a court case of this nature to be like getting shot in the back and not being able to move. While you lay there bleeding, dying, mommy and the lawyers empty your pockets. The last recollection you’ll have is seeing your child walk away, out of your life. This story is not about what can happen; it’s about what will happen to you when you do not recognize the signs and take the necessary precautions to prevent losing your kid.

For the sake of children, men and women should be fully aware of whom they choose to have a family with. Joining for the wrong reason can breed an outcome that will be very damaging to the innocent. Once this happens and a separation occurs, it’s almost certain that one or both parents end up in court. In most cases it is here that their youngster will lose his or her right to establish a healthy relationship with one or both of those parents.

Want to ruin your child? Want to make him or her bitter, angry, frustrated, feel self-defeated, lack self-confidence, have low esteem, be depressed, anti-social or have any of these disorders? Here are some easy steps to follow:

***>SPOIL HIM…give him anything he wants, even more than you can afford so you can get him off your back…and when he does wrong, nag him a little but don’t correct him or spank him.
***>FOSTER HIS DEPENDENCE ON YOU…don’t teach him to be independently responsible, maintain his dependence on you so later on drugs and alcohol can replace you when he’s older.
***>MAKE ALL OF HIS DECISIONS FOR HIM because if you don’t, he might make some mistakes and learn from them, finding that the consequences will make him more responsible.
***>WHENEVER HE GETS INTO TROUBLE, bail him out…besides, if he gets in bad trouble it might hurt your reputation as his parent for not teaching him right from wrong.
***>NEVER LET HIM SUFFER THE CONSEQUENCES for his behavior or actions and always step in to solve his problems for him so he’ll depend on you and run to you when the going gets tough, never learning how to solve his own problems in most all areas of his life.
***>ALWAYS CRITICIZE their father or mother so your son or daughter will lose respect for that parent which can cause him or her to have disrespect for others as they grow up.
***>PROTECT HIM from all those mean teachers who, looking out for his best interest may have to correct him sometimes, and threaten to sue them if they don’t leave him alone.
***>LET HIM EXPRESS HIMSELF anyway he feels like it as in the way he dresses or the music he listens to or the television programs he watches to help him become a delinquent.
***>DON’T RUN HIS LIFE…let him run yours so he can do what he wants, whenever he wants.
***>DON’T BOTHER HIM WITH CHORES, do everything for him…then he can be irresponsible all his life and blame others when things don’t get done right, or be able to do things on his own.
***>BE SURE TO GIVE IN when he throws a temper tantrum, and be a weak parent.
***>BELIEVE HIS LIES because it’s too much hassle to sort through to get the truth.
***>CRITICIZE OTHERS OPENLY AND ROUTINELY so that he will continue to realize that he is better than everyone else is and this will help to promote arrogance.
***>GIVE HIM A BIG ALLOWANCE and don’t make him work or do anything for it, let it be free.
***>PRAISE HIM FOR HIS GOOD LOOKS…and not for his character or personality.
***>BE CRITICAL, SNOBBISH, DOMINEERING and you’ll have an obsessive child.
***>IGNORE THE CHILD OR FIGHT WITH EACH OTHER and you’ll have an accident prone child because he may hurt himself to get your attention or the affection he needs.
***>OVERPROTECTION…fence him in, never trust him. Don’t give him the opportunity to develop independence. Deprivation will instill an angry mood. Parents must give children the room to express themselves, to discover their world, to try a new adventure, gradually releasing them to live independently. Overprotection frustrates him, making it hard to build self-confidence.
***>FAVORITISM…love them the same without regard to avoid emotional damage.
***>HARSH ACHIEVEMENT GOALS…expect what is adequate…not perfection.
***>DISCOURAGEMENT…lack of understanding and reward both destroy motivation and incentive. Grant them a listening ear and an understanding heart. Guide them in the right direction. Reward them graciously and generously with love and approval for what they try to accomplish. Be patient with them or they’ll feel defeated and discouraged, which turns to anger.
***>ABUSIVE WORDS…a child has a very limited vocabulary and you have a very comprehensive one. A barrage of well chosen words from your vocabulary can cut that little heart to shreds. The most devastating messages sent are words of anger, sarcasm or ridicule.

“IN FATHERLESS HOMES” > 85% OF THE KIDS HAVE BEHAVIORAL or EMOTIONAL DISORDERS, 71% ARE HIGH SCHOOL DROP OUTS, 75% RESORT TO CHEMICAL ABUSE, 71% HAVE TEENAGE PREGNANCIES, 75% WILL LIVE IN POVERTY, 90% RUN AWAY FROM HOME, 85% END UP IN PRISON and 63% COMMIT SUICIDE

PARENTAL ALIENATION SYNDROME (PAS)

This condition arises as a distinctive form of psychological injury to children in a high conflict separation or divorce of their parents.

It occurs when the child becomes aligned with one parent as a result of the unjustified and/or exaggerated denigration of the other parent.

This leads to an impaired relationship with the alienated (target) parent and an absolute loss of parenting as a result of the hostility of the parent producing the alienation.

In most cases of high conflict separation or divorce, there are degrees of alienation.

A noticeable effect is placing the child in a severe loyalty bind; a position wherein the child believes he or she must choose which parent they will “love” more.

To have to choose between parents is itself damaging to the child, and, if the end result is the exclusion of a parent from the child’s life, the injury is irreparable.

In severe cases, the child’s once love-bonded relationship with the target/rejected parent is destroyed.

After all divorces and separations, life changes for the children. To understand the reason why kids are forced to conform to one parent against the other, a grown person must imagine themselves as a four year-old, a five year-old or a six year-old child. Upon doing so, this participant should realize that they have this young mind now, these little ears and they now see with or look through these tiny eyes at a parent much bigger than them. This tot desires for him or her to love them like a dad or mom should. Little ones, sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly, will learn what they must do or what they need to say in order to gain the love and approval they so rightly deserve from their parent. What all kids today want the most is to have that feeling of belonging; foremost to their parent or parents. When bruises aren’t visible on the outside, that doesn’t mean abuse isn’t there. It’s the verbal torture hidden in the heart that isn’t seen and many do not regard as abuse. A child who suffers from those cruel memories may not recover or feel like they belong. (excerpt from Poppa Too)

Custody battles can get ugly and be very expensive. This is a story of how a man battled against his ex-girlfriend for years and by adhering to the courts’ rulings, he enjoyed the privilege of being a dad to his daughter. Michael strived to be a good parent and taught his little girl all he could which included lessons in spelling, reading, math and science on her computer. Every weekend they’d have at least one outing and church on Sunday. Her mom continued to disobey the Judge and would be going to jail the next time they went to court so to prevent that, she had to run away. Returning from a job in Florida he finds out her mother made false allegations again and relocated out of state; an action both he and she were ordered not to do. Even though his case now went from being domestic to criminal, he remained steadfast in proving his innocence. In detail Anthony reveals the events that took place leading up to the loss of his only child. His two books tell how he worked to gather evidence and fought back against a vengeful parent whose only choice was to leave or go to jail. No one can imagine the pain from parental kidnapping unless they are forced to experience it. His story displays what kind of person is more likely to commit this devastating crime and can help to prevent a tragedy like this from happening to others. A parent will never be the same when the “other” parent abducts their child. “My reason for writing Poppa Too is an attempt to help others avoid having to go through and live with this kind of life changing ordeal”, Michael states.